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Who should do the asking out?

wom

Posted by John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert on

This is a question that comes up quite often from singles, particularly those that have been out of the dating game for a while and now have to up-skill in flirting etiquette. From the newly divorced, to the young and inexperienced, to the shy 50 somethings - there's a curiosity as to "Who does the asking out?" Should it be the men or the women?

In the annual RSVP Date of the Nation Report 2012 that surveyed over 3300 Australians the answer was clear. In terms of the typical dating habits of singles there was an overwhelming trend:

68% of men are comfortable making the first move
46% of women are comfortable making the first move

And interestingly there were only 6% of men who said they don't ask women out, while there were 28% of women who said they don't ask men out.

So the figures suggest that a traditional attitude still remains in the dating world whereby men are expected to do the asking out more often than women.

But does this mean that you have to follow this trend when out trying to meet new dates at a party or online? Well if your approach is working for you then I would suggest that you should carry on doing this. Follow the principal - If it's not broke then don't fix it.

However if it's not getting you in front of someone special and you're missing out on dates with people you are interested in, then I would break the tradition and shake things up.

Specifically, that means if you're a single woman and you see someone you like, then step up and make an impact. Take the lead and ask them out. On the other hand, if you're a guy who tends to do all the chasing then it might be time to step back and let things develop more naturally.

What you must always consider in this process is how you're dating. What are you doing that works and what's not getting you results? What do you need to change to get you closer to connecting with someone special? In this case, think about how you ask potential love interests out. Does this need to be adjusted? If so, then make a decision to do things differently and evaluate the results.

You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. It's totally in your hands and you can decide who takes the lead on asking someone out.

There's no hard and fast rules - simply do what works best for you and feels right.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert, and seen weekly on Ch 7's the Morning Show (www.johnaiken.com.au)
937 comments

Comments


LadyLikesToDance
LadyLikesToDance
Seems it was popular, Jacca.
sososophy
sososophy
I think enough has been said on this topic.
SOSO
Jaccaranda
Jaccaranda
Why are you hiding this when it's popular?
BarbaraW
BarbaraW
[ http://www.rsvp.com.au/groups/commentGuidelines.action ]

Edited by RSVP Moderator
Lunastella
Lunastella
@ MrFinch you are most kind thank you :)
Luna
Lunastella
Lunastella
@ SOSO totally agree with you there :) quite arrogant...maybe if I had looked at his profile prior to the kiss...but even then...still I wouldn't have sent that KISS
Luna :)
Lunastella
Lunastella
@ Jaccaranda I didn't really notice...but I hadn't even looked at his profile prior to THAT kiss...lol...that is why I was puzzled....and to be honest with you even if he was hot ...I still would have sent a no thank you....because bottom line......on the inside....he is not my type :) and the inside is what essentially counts when all is said and done :)
Luna :)
Jaccaranda
Jaccaranda
So is he really hot Luna?
sososophy
sososophy
That's right to some degree Yep.. but first you have to ask them if they want to receive an email from you.. then if you send it and don't get a reply you can ask for a refund 30 days later.

But it is a bit bizarre to have a kiss that basically says.. you haven't noticed me.. but here I am.. send me an email. There's a hint of arrogance in that message I think.
SOSO
Yepitsme
Yepitsme
Good grief~if you are interested you contact the person and the only way I know of effective contact is via a stamp~if the person doesn't respond you can claim for reinstatement of your stamp {unless the rules have changed}.

Not rocket science and this caper of kissing is for the players imo

btw like your style Mick~
QualityManWanted
JustaKissAway (was QualityManWanted)
Yes Peaceful, wouldn't it be great if everyone who was 'not interested' went straight to the 'not interested' menu & used one of those responses.. instead, this is what we get..!
Lunastella
Lunastella
aww you guys...I agree with Lookhere...it is presumptuous...when I send a kiss I will send the email...I would never send that kiss....it is kind of rude.....I do not see it as a complement at all..thank you...I responded..."thank you...good luck with your search...... :) always polite
not sure about cheapskate...I wouldn't be so harsh in judgement...but agree with your point peaceful :)
once again thank you...you are all lovely
Luna going out for a boogie
have a beautiful weekend beautiful people x
Lookhere
Lookhere
Luna, if they are interested enough and they think your cute, they will send you an email. Its not a kiss that I would use as it seems presumptuous to expect someone to send me an email that has not shown any interest.

On the other hand MickatLarge if I send someone a Kiss I would expect to use a stamp and send an email and show my 'good intentions' as you put it and visa versa. I have also 'bought the drinks at the bar'.

I dont think Im a rarity but if it feels right do it and if not dont! I try not to read too much into it

Agree Jacca there could be a few more response emails!!
MickatLarge
MickatLarge
SpankMeHoneey 22 Mar 2013, 03:52 PM "
If you are hung up about stamps and their price - you should not be on this website simple as that - vote with your wallet and feet

All so simple huh?? but fairly bogus....

As a fella who has almost never begrudged replying to a kiss even though, it ALMOST INVARIABLY ends up in the fella using a stamp....just like buying the drinks at a bar....I do not think it furthers the cause of gender equality one iota!

Man! I value and very much appreciate an email from a woman, it raises their good intentions in my estimation no end, but that is a rarity on this site.

To simpily say that I am a cheapskate is totally off-base....this is a site for PEOPLE to meet other PEOPLE...not a one-sided "ohh hello, I 'd love to hear from you" place....like some cheap Asian bordello!! :-)

OK I've said my piece....just wanted to point out that it is not always as Black and White as you have made out. Cheers, Mick
MrFinch
MrFinch
Heya Luna,

Just take the compliment and respond how your lovely self so desires.

No need to thank me, happy to help...cutie ;)
Peacefulsixty
Peacefulsixty
Hi, Lunastella.
It sounds to me like a cheapskate's 'scattergun' approach to 'net dating. IF you ARE interested, just send back any of the first four 'Interested' kiss replies.

If you are not interested, go STRAIGHT to 'Not Interested'.

Just my 0.02.

You have a wonderful day.
Best wishes.
Peacefulsixty.
canberrajenniferj
canberrajenniferj
Jacca,

Like your potential new response, would be a most suitable
riposte.

Best Wishes CJJ
Lunastella
Lunastella
Thank you.....it doesn't answer why I have received this kiss...hehehehehe :) but you may have a point Jaccaranda......I have noticed him now :)
and yes LLTD maybe....................I just find it odd that a man has sent me this particular "kiss".............
Luna......still puzzled :)
SpankMeHoneey
SpankMeHoneey
If you are hung up about stamps and their price - you should not be on this website simple as that - vote with your wallet and feet
amanoverboard
amanoverboard
Luna, they looked at your profile, thought you were cute, but not top shelf so they are saving a stamp. Still, they consider you in the broad range of acceptability and, whilst not prepared to spend a stamp will possibly return an email from you should you pique their interest. That is my perception. I have received these 'kisses' and my response have universally been send me an email or seeya. It's a silly 'kiss' to send to someone in whom you are interested so, they are taking a very soft option. I'm guessing that you, like me, would not be interested.

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