Are you smothering your new love interest?
Posted by John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert onIn all new relationships, we're confronted with the challenge of balancing together time with separateness. We want to get plenty of quality moments together to create a bond but we also need time apart to maintain our independence and sense of identity.
If you can get this balance right - then things will tend to move along smoothly. But get this wrong, and you'll ultimately find that you smother one another and burn things out.
Here are 10 tell tale signs that you're smothering your new partner:
1. You need to contact your partner many times each day (e.g. texts, phone calls)
2. You're desperate to plan future dates and catch-ups
3. You ask lots of questions and want to know their whereabouts
4. You initiate intense public displays of affection
5. You push for sex all the time
6. You want to be with them any time they go out
7. You will change your plans to fit in and be with them
8. You want to constantly discuss your feelings and the state of the relationship
9. You regularly ask them for re-assurance
10. You become anxious and needy when away from them
Now if this sounds like you - all is not lost. By creating some much needed space in your relationship you can let it breathe again and allow your partner to get their life back. It might scare you but you have to remind yourself that if you keep things the same, the relationship will eventually burn out.
So let your partner have some alone time, both of you catch-up with friends separately, pursue your own interests and create some individual goals. Stop discussing feelings and the state of your relationship. If you have a need for re-assurance, then talk to your friends. Let them initiate sex and affection and reduce your frequency of daily contact. No more interrogation sessions, have some more fun with each other and stick to your plans rather than changing things just to be with them.
In the end, if you are think you are smothering your new partner just remind yourself that 'less is more' when it comes to having a successful relationship.
John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert, seen weekly on Ch 7's the Morning show, and author of the new book Making Couples Happy (www.johnaiken.com.au)
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The information and advice provided is for general information purposes only. Whilst we endeavor to make the information useful, RSVP and John Aiken make no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability or suitability to your personal circumstances. Any reliance on this advice and information is therefore strictly at your own risk. In no event will RSVP or John Aiken be liable for any loss or damage including without limitation, indirect or consequential loss or damage, or any loss or damage whatsoever arising in connection with, the use of this advice.
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