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Getting comfortable in the bedroom

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Posted by John Aiken, dating and relationship expert on

Have you ever done something in bed that you weren't comfortable with? Perhaps experimenting with a new technique, dressing up in something different or talking explicitly to a new love interest.

The RSVP Date of the Nation Report 2013 shows that 24% of Australians have tried something in bed that they were not comfortable with, and this suggests that a portion of Aussies still aren't talking openly about sex.

Now when you first meet someone, the sparks will fly. The chemicals in your brain will be rushing around and your key focus will be your new love interest and getting naked together! This will see sex become a major priority in your life, and it will all be very novel and exciting.

While this is a great stage to experience in the early days of getting to know someone, you must also treat it with caution. Just because you're enjoying the highs of having sex with a new person - you also need to be open about your likes and dislikes, and have clear sexual boundaries.

That means, if you're feeling uncomfortable with doing something sexual with your new partner - then speak up and say 'no'. Experimenting is good but if there are times when something is suggested and you don't like it - then don't do it.

For many people - sex is not just a physical release. It's also a way to connect with a person. To be intimate and close, and to share something special. Some singles like to leap in, while others like to take things slowly. Some want to try out anything and everything, while others will be more conservative.

To have great sex together, you need to be great communicators. There has to be an understanding from both sides about what you will and won't try. What you do and don't want. The more you talk - the more you'll find out. And this openness will give you a sense of where you both stand with one another and how to proceed.

Under no circumstances, do you want to feel uncomfortable with the sex that you're having. You don't want to be trying out things in the bedroom that you simply don't want to do. And if you think the person you're with won't like you speaking up - then you're with the wrong person and you need to look elsewhere.

Remember - great sex comes from great communication. Get talking and create clear boundaries in the bedroom. Then you can relax and enjoy each other as much as you like.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert, seen regularly on Ch 7's the Morning show, and author of the new book Making Couples Happy (www.johnaiken.com.au)

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235 comments

Comments


LadyLikesToDance
LadyLikesToDance
Had a m&g where the gent was quite keen, trying to convince moi that the last time he had a one night stand, he married her.
AddfromaMex
AddfromaMex
Hi Wonder Woman, as a man once said too me...all liaisons are casual until they are not. Nothing wrong in believing one is inmune to love or petrified of feeling it. Don't consider that group a deterrent. :)
amaliarose
amaliarose
Merry Christmas to you BG and I hope you and yours have a happy and safe day.
I love the smell of moxie coils.
Amaliarose.

PS. Back to rolling the rest of the Vietnamese rolls. 8 dozen down, 2 dozen more.
beachgirll59
beachgirll59
AmaliaRose
Hi...I'm glad you are okay and it is very nice to know you want to be on my team ....that would indeed be an interesting twist in what seems to have become a more and more bizarre scenario...Mmmm....I think you and I would make a formidable team!....your obvious intelligence, literacy skills and experience with the game of scrabble would give us an advantage in the first round....your long supple limbs would give us an advantage in the second round.....and your bulging biceps and determination to win would give us an advantage in the third round....you have tropical strength rid you say...I have tropical strength aerogard, citronella candles and mozzie coils....I will have my people call your people ....unless you are too busy with the pillow fight challenge in Pitt Street!!
Have a great Chrissy day tomorrow with your large family
Cheers, Beachy xxx
amaliarose
amaliarose
BG,

I have tropical strength RID and besides I want to be on your team. If you are the captain, pick me! pick me! pick me!

Merry Christmas everyone

Amaliarose
makeyourownmusic
makeyourownmusic
CT .....Nah ya just gotta know when you are beat and not be to proud to wave the white flag.
Of to to have a few days with all the kids which included with the religious signifigance to many is the real joy of the day.
I hope your and all other bloggers xmas day delivers peaceful understanding of how fortunate many of us really are when we see the turmoil and dispair in other countries.
Love all you guys so all try tomorrow to embrace all the positives and disgard the negatives.
beachgirll59
beachgirll59
CT
Talk about twisting things around! You seem to have completely misinterpreted my intentions. I thought this was to be a team challenge! You guys against us. (Where is AR by the way? Hope she's okay)
My plan was to use my home town advantage! Think mangroves, mozzies and midgies......you will be eaten alive and collapse from loss of blood before you can even play your first scrabble tile, thus forfeiting the next two rounds!!
Ha Ha Beachy :)
CroquetTragic
CroquetTragic
Beachy,
Where is the Music, I love the song I hear music but there is no one there. At the moment there is no one there and I do not hear any Music. He is leaving you to face it, if it ever arrives. How can you keep defending him? And what is this about a triathlon, do you really think I have 3 legs. I suppose if we are to have any contest at all we should allow something you are comfortable with. The way I read your order though, first you intend to use sweet words to get close enough to twist things around to finish in the bedroom. Smooth, will it work?
I still do not know why your man does not come and face the Music. It is his doing you are in this mess, and I think the triathlon can only lead to, well exhaustion, and in the bedroom at that.
beachgirll59
beachgirll59
PS
Mmmm....perhaps a triathlon???
1st leg: Scrabble
2nd leg: Twister
3rd leg: Pillow Fight
beachgirll59
beachgirll59
CT
How has it come to this!! We are fine...all is well and good with us...no problems (except my arm).....and we both care for you very much and value your friendship immensely!!! If only I knew my flippant remark (meant in jest) would have such drastic repercussions!!
I hope you have a joyous Xmas and the New Year brings you everything you desire!!
Love Beachy xxxx
CroquetTragic
CroquetTragic
Beachy,
Surely MYOM would have taught you by now only to pick on those of your own size. Have you signed up for an army, or just a patrol, silly isn't it? But I love it.
No apologies were needed from you Beachy, I could see a mile off what MYOM was doing. He set you up and you had no choice but to take the fall, hence the bad arm. You had been warned by all the other girls, but no you had to get the twister out, before you knew it you were all tied up. I see he, yeah I cannot mention his name now, he has gone to play hide and seek.
EuroFemme
EuroFemme
Beachy,

I wouldn't even contemplate it...getting my knickers in a knot, perhaps breaking a leg or two....Nah leave it to the younguns
beachgirll59
beachgirll59
CT
It seems you have not accepted my sincere apology and anything I say now will just dig me deeper into the hole I seem to have dug for myself. (I seem to be good at digging holes for myself)
So, it appears we are now faced with a pillow fight scrabble challenge.....bring it on....sounds like fun....as long as we don't get them mixed up.....hope AR is up for it!! .....Just give me a few weeks for my arm to get better....I got hit by a car while crossing the road up at the Sunshine Coast and my right elbow and wrist are very bruised and sore so it would not be a fair fight at present.
Beachy ;)
beachgirll59
beachgirll59
Sydney
Ha ha...just kidding....unfortunately I am not as flexible as I used to be.....right leg on red....left hand on green....ahhhh....call the chiropractor!!!
Beachy :)
CroquetTragic
CroquetTragic
MYOM and Beachy,
Now I get the picture, you couldn't stand the competition so, you MYOM go skulking off to a desert Island, while Beachy gets to fret about what you are going to do so throws me under a bus, hoping to get rid of me. What you guys did not know I was a bus driver so knew how to roll, it was also a driver I knew and he saw what was happening and knew how to minimise any risk. Well as revenge, AR and I should team up and bring our pillows and scrabble sets. You will be sorry. You will be wishing you were back in Them Thar Hills.
I see your sneaky ways MYOM, yes in your case it has a lot to do with getting comfortable in the bedroom, so you can sneak off and drink the tinnies to your hearts content, comfortably.
EuroFemme
EuroFemme
oooooh Beachy, so cheeky...dont get too tangled up now will you...x
makeyourownmusic
makeyourownmusic
CT Hiding on a secluded island !!!!!
I am still trying to recouperate after climbing 3 ks up a hill at 4.30 in the morning to see the sunrise over the Whitsundays.
The things our kids expect us to do in the name of a holiday !!!
The wet bar was a much better idea except when ya sink underwater with a full round of drinks.
To be fair when the barman worked out I was not a strong swimmer he gave me a fresh round and didn't pop the beers.
They should supply stubby holders with floaties in them for blokes like me.

"Whats that got to do with getting comfortable in the bedroom"
..............Nothing
beachgirll59
beachgirll59
CT
My apologies ...It was not my intention to rent you and MYOM asunder ....I would never dream of coming between the two of you....I just commented that your idea was cute....(wasn't really planning on thumping him with a pillow) ....but now it seems I may have inadvertently caused a rift....and thrown you under the bus to save myself....sorry mate!!
Beachy xxx
amaliarose
amaliarose
Lovesick,

If a man is close enough to hit with said pillow, denied parking privileges has not occurred and I can think of some better games to play.

MYOM,

Too true! I will stick to playing games where it appears they have won. Note to self, no pillow fights, no scrabble.

Amaliarose
CroquetTragic
CroquetTragic
Hey Beachy, are you trying to rent MYOM and myself asunder. It was not my idea, my idea was only what could be asked while turning up with a pillow. Now I know you are jealous of MYOM and myself the love we have for each other, but we both love you with all our feath... I mean hearts.
Did I just see MYOM go running for the hills, or is he hiding on a secluded island?

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