Getting Relationship Ready: The importance of having a shared vision

LadyLikesToDance 18 Apr 2013, 04:52 PM

ESG, there are men who have done the questionnaire; it was passed onto me by a mutual friend.

The point is that this was a mechanism used to get to know someone very quickly or the essence of them.

There are people who know exactly what they are after, and are not afraid to spell it out on a profile or through a questionnaire in their efforts to find their version of happiness.

I too have learned not to conduct the M&G as an interview, to say less and listen more. Which is really difficult if you knew my personality, but this is something I'm aware of and trying to change.

NoTV, if the subject matter was important then, one would be invested in the process, no mon ami?

QMW, yes most intelligent people would weave it in the conversation, read body language and discern from what is discussed, how it is explained etc. Some people have key issues they would like to discuss, other's keep it light, fun and flirty.

It is very telling to listen to what is the first question they ask, what subject matter do they come back to...hmmm what is their range and depth, if any?

Observe them, if you get up to get drinks, do their eyes follow you?

Just on the list, I have heard of lady's doing that, even asking about financials!!!!

One gent came with an A4 printout of my picture, bless.

QualityManWanted 18 Apr 2013, 10:42 AM

Aren't we supposed to be weaving the questions into the conversation? If someone turned up to a date with a list, l would think he was a dork! It's just a casual meet, not a job interview.

Sweetlady40 13 Apr 2013, 11:12 PM

You are funny ESG1... We were just teasing about the 20 questios & tape measure.

I have been asked a selection of D&M questions in the lead up to a meet. Most I answered. Nothing offensive. And we are good friends today.

Sweets :-)

NoTV 12 Apr 2013, 05:15 PM

Hi ESG1

"Indeed I find it hard to imagine a woman being so mechanical as to need such questions answered. "

I might be interested if it was a discussion about different topics, but if I was asked to fill out a questionaire, I am sure I would fall asleep :-)

Jaccaranda 12 Apr 2013, 07:55 AM

Don't take it too seriously ESG1, much of what is posted here is tongue in cheek. We like to amuse others, and ourselves

ESG1 11 Apr 2013, 05:07 PM

On the subject of 20 questions,

questions I would answer would be based on how well I knew somone. If I knew her well, then she is free to bring her own tape measure *s* if dimensions are that important.

But I cannot imagine any man subjecting himself to such an inquisition. Indeed I find it hard to imagine a woman being so mechanical as to need such questions answered.

I am new to RSVP so I am just learning how things work. Of the few dates I have been on I have not met one I didn't like, just some I liked more *s*. One learns best by listening, pet hates are dates that jump in with a question before the previous one has been properly answered.

I suspect we would all like the next person we date to be the last person we date but we must take time to learn and not turn a date into an interigation .... I have never dated a Barrister, that would be scary *s*

MysticalMidnight 6 Apr 2013, 02:37 AM

But AMOB ~~~ you can have it all ~~~ build a relaionship while reading a story.(or watching a movie~or going for a walk, or going for a picnic and reading a story while on the picnic) etc etc.

And while I am reading him stories he can nibble on my finger tips.

What a Yummy feeling :-)

Sweetlady40 3 Apr 2013, 11:59 AM

AMOB,

Grab a book and read it with your lady..

Sweets

Sweetlady40 2 Apr 2013, 03:11 PM

AMOB,

Of course I am a romantic... and would prefer to be alone..(with my 3 crazy children) then not meet my Knight... but that's just me.

Not going to settle for anything less a second time round,

Sweets

amanoverboard 2 Apr 2013, 11:48 AM

MM - I don't join rsvp to meet someone who can find time to read me a story. That is, perhaps, your fantasy. I join to meet someone with the time to build a relationship.

MysticalMidnight 1 Apr 2013, 07:50 PM

Asi/AMOB~~~Even a full time mum, even when of a child with a disability, can always manage to find those few precious shared moments to read a story to someone~nothing Mills and Boon or Jane Austin about it. Some people's voices are very soothing and healing to sit and listen to.

And women~especially mothers~ are very adept at multitasking so nothing is neglected.

MM :-)x

Edited by RSVP Moderator

amanoverboard 30 Mar 2013, 05:52 PM

I just wonder if, people having had unsuccessful relationships, are building unrealistic romantic perceptions. The gentleman watching his lady weave her magic strikes me as impossibly Mills and Boon. All the while this must be achieved within time constraints. Don't get me wrong I do appreciate the time constraints of a full time mum however the Jane Austin characters tend to be single, with time on their hands......such is my recollection anyway.

MysticalMidnight 30 Mar 2013, 02:32 PM

Sweets~ Your post so true.

The second paragraph described exactly how it was~~~he just adored relaxing and listening to me reading to him or just talking.

The third paragraph did in fact bring the whole thing tumbling down ~ that and with a complete lack of honesty.

So I held Heaven in one hand and The NetherLands in the other~ and the scales just did not balance~ sadly.

But you said it all, you savvy Sweet Darling Girl.

Thank you for being~

MysticalMidnight inc :-)x

Sweetlady40 29 Mar 2013, 12:08 PM

Shared goals, values,spiritual beliefs. A willingness to treat each other always with respect, even if you don't agree with each other.

Differences in personalities & interests add colour & depth to the relationship. The chatter & the listener; tHe social butterfly & the quiet gentleman who enjoys watching his lady weaVe her magic.

HoweVer it does help if both are prepared to "socialize", dance, travel. .. & meld into one regularly or it can come unstuck.

Sweets :-)

NoTV 24 Mar 2013, 05:19 PM

Hi QualityManWanted

Like the reply :-)

NoTV 24 Mar 2013, 09:52 AM

Hi MysticalMidnight

Much more eloquant than I, thanks

QualityManWanted 24 Mar 2013, 08:31 AM

NoTv.. Lego, yes.. can show so much when added to the dating equation..
1. freaky, 2. corney, 3. not my kinda game.

MM, I think you nailed it when you mentioned having similar values. That is pivotal to a strong, solid relationship.

MysticalMidnight 22 Mar 2013, 10:57 AM

You can both have differerent personality types and differing career and/or sporting interests etc~~ie one may be a somewhat staid and sedate bean-counter personality, and the other may be a flamboyant Flamenco or Belly dancer who works in caring for the elderly and bringing as much joy to their lives as possible ~
One might like to garden~the other happy tinkering in the shed or creating in the sewing room.

BUT~ if you do not have a combined goal for your futures in place or your value systems are not in sync~then it is "Hello" and "Goodbye" in one short breath~~It just ain't gonna last the distance .

ie One may be a party animal wanting lots of attention from the opposite sex (which eventually spells trouble in the camp) and the other may prefer quiet nights at home enjoying each others company or outings that they can share together.(when they can get their errant partner to join them that is)

Differing religions and belief systems come into play as well~especially where children are in the picture.

We should each search out 'our own tribe' for ANY type of friendships/relationships~to ensure harmony for the status quo.

Just my silly little perceptions and opinion of course~~

And based only from what I have observed and experienced myself.

TraLaLaLeLa~~~

I have a vision~To live stress free and be at peace within, and set an example of how to achieve it~so it imbues all who come into my immediate radius.I am already there in MY vision quest

MM

NoTV 21 Mar 2013, 05:56 PM

really cool post MysticalMidnight and I had a read of your profile and a nice smile came as I was reading the truth of your music :-)

Hi QualityManWanted
Lego can show so much :-))

One being different
Two may even have a sense of humour
Three is there a game in there :-)

Now on track
What really is a shared vision?
How does one know if it is really/truely shared
How large/big/extensive does the vision have to be?
Is it just the little things that some take for granted.

For example:
A smile
Glint in the eye as they look at each other
Ability to agree and move on
Is it fundamental to be in complete agreement for vision acceptance
Is it 5 or 6 key areas? :-))

thanks

MysticalMidnight 15 Mar 2013, 11:13 PM

Gawd HOW the Hell did THAT happen? I posted on wrong topic ~ Should have been in the 'Do looks matter as we age' topic for the over 50's ~ Damned Gremlins.