How to afford a live-in lover
Posted by RSVP on
Starting a new relationship is exciting. Dinners, dates, laughter and romance. There are fun times - and so many things to discover about each other. In fact we probably do more talking together in the first few months of dating than we do for the next five years - but are we asking the right questions?Not always. In fact there's one topic that we rarely discuss, but which is essential to tackle for the success of a long-term relationship - money! "Talking about money attitudes should happen as early as possible in a relationship," says Lola Mashado, Venue Manager for Relationships Australia. "People talk about all sorts of other things, like having kids, career aspirations, home ownership. But they don't talk about their attitudes to money."
While most people agree that money doesn't buy happiness, managing the money that we do have well can certainly help to reduce stress in a relationship. A recent survey of 7,000 people, released by Paypal in February, indicated that money is the top reason for arguments between couples, followed by chores, the in-laws, children and sex. Even more ominously 35 per cent of divorced people surveyed by Relationships Australia last year nominated financial stress as being a major cause of their divorce!
"It can be a tricky subject to deal with when you're just starting a new relationship," says finance writer and author of How to Afford a Husband... or any other live-in lover, Justine Davies. "There's the risk of being seen as mercenary, of caring too much about money. But it's not that at all - it's about making sure that you are financially compatible. I'm a traditionalist at heart and I love the idea of 'happy ever after.' But to be happy ever after you need to be financially happy ever after as well."
He's a spender, she's a saver; she has debts, he doesn't; he loves credit cards, she hates them. There is no doubt that the cliché about opposites attracting can hold just as true with regards to money as any other area of life. "Variety of opinion is the key to an exciting relationship," says Ms Davies. "But too much variety can give us financial indigestion!" So what can you do if money is getting in the way of your Happy Ever After? Ms Davies has the following tips:
- Talk. Early in a relationship, along with those discussions about career and kids and travel and so forth, find some time to talk about money.
- Understand each other's viewpoint. Your attitude towards money is shaped from a whole lot of things including upbringing, friends, co-workers and media. You and your partner may have had quite different influences and have quite different attitudes because of that. You need to understand where each other is coming from.
- Be honest with each other. Honesty is an integral part of any relationship. If you do have money troubles of any kind, be open and upfront about it from the beginning.
- Compromise. The more life experience you have had the more likely it is that you will be entrenched in your (financial) ways. It can be difficult to change habits, but being prepared to compromise can help to smooth financial conflict.
- Do the paperwork. Whether you are going to share finances or not, making sure that you have all the basics in place - such as a written budget, insurance and estate planning - puts you in control of your money!
- Don't hesitate to get help. If money dilemmas are overwhelming your relationship, take advantage of the free financial counselling service that is available in every state. ASIC's consumer website has a list of the financial counselling organisations that are available across Australia.
Justine Davies' book: 'How to Afford a Husband... or any other live-in lover" was released by ABC books on 2nd March, RRP $27.95. It is available at all ABC shops, selected book stores and online.