goonharlot

about me

I'm self-centreed, emotionally distant, and probably not too bright either... Please read my profile =)

I once got my leg bitten off by an giant octopus when boarding a French ship. It was a vicious night in 1793 and the wind was cold, and the French, angry.
I once woke up in a park after having a nap to find naked children shoveling sand on to me.
I'm quite commonly described as funny, but I think this is because my ideas are far too revolutionary for peoples to accept and thus they believe it's humour. I've also been told I'm a right wing asshole, but I disagree with this, I'm more of a moderate, centrist asshole

I'm not really a nice person, or Mr Right or any of those things. I am lazy, self centered bastard. I also manage to get some writing done in between my drinking job.

Some of the things that irrationally irritate me include, but are by no means limited to:

- Kids these days.
- People who walk slowly on the footpath. You know who you are.
- People on my lawn.
- Democrats.
- Gen Y.
- Everyone I have to share public transport with between the hours of 7am to 11am.
- Junk mail that isn't pizza coupons.
- Crocodiles (salt or freshwater)
- Customers.
- CAPSLOCK
- Overly slow elevators.
- Fast food employees.
- People more successful than me.
- People less successful than me.
- Fancy computer gizimidgits.
- People who aren't me.
- Screaming children in confined spaces.
- Hippies.
- Kids on my lawn.
- Kids on other people's lawns.
- Octopuses.
- Robots from the future.
- Any combination of the above.