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10 signs they're into you


Posted by John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert on

Being single and putting yourself out there can be a challenging process. It requires lots of patience and plenty of courage to keep pushing forward to find that someone special. You'll meet plenty of potential love interests along the way - but not all of them will fit. However when you do experience chemistry with another person and start dating - how do you know that they're into you as well? What are the signs to look out for?

1. They'll chase you
One of the initial signs someone is keen on you is the fact that they'll be happy to chase. You'll hear from them by phone, text, email and Facebook. You won't go days without hearing from them, instead, they want to be in your life frequently.

2. They're reliable and punctual
Someone who is keen on you will be trustworthy and reliable. They won't break promises, stand you up or keep you waiting. When they say they're going to do something, they get it done. They follow through and always walk the talk.

3. They'll wait for sex
When the person you're dating is keen on you and wants something long-term and special, then they'll be happy to wait before jumping into bed. They won't pressure you for sex or make you feel bad or strange. Instead, they will let you take the lead and be respectful when it comes to getting intimate.

4. They'll meet your friends/family
Someone who's into you will be relaxed about meeting your friends and family. Obviously they won't be expecting to do this too early on in the dating process, but when you want them to step up, they won't hesitate. They want to be with you and get to know the people close to you.

5. They'll compliment and praise you
When a person likes you it will be common for them to heap praise on you. They'll focus on your physical attributes and appearance, but also your character, interests, values and goals. This will make you feel really special around them.

6. They're an open book
When someone is keen on you then they won't be difficult to contact or speak to. They'll give you their whereabouts, be open about who they're with and what they're doing because they're happy to let you into their life. They want you involved and so have nothing to hide.

7. They'll want to introduce you to their inner circle
Not only will someone who is keen on you be delighted to meet your friends, but will be excited about introducing you to their nearest and dearest. They'll be proud to show you off and let the people close to them get to know you.

8. They'll listen to your problems
If you're with a person who's into you then you'll feel supported. That means if you've got a problem or a drama, they're going to listen and support you. They'll make time to be there for you and hear what you've got to say rather than dismiss you or run away when there's a problem.

9. They'll make future plans with you
Whenever a potential love interest initiates future plans with you it means they want to see you again and are determined to make it happen. Whether it's a dinner date, going to a concert or going away for a weekend together - they want you there.

10. There are no mixed messages

One of the key signs that a person is into you is that you know where you stand with them at all times. There are no mixed messages, vague answers to questions, uncertainty about future catch-ups, or inappropriate flirting with other singles. They're keen on you, and you have no doubt about this fact.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert, and seen weekly on Ch 7's the Morning Show (


Correction: s/be distaste
RobinaD, just read your profile after seeing Jacca's reference to smoking...

I was more curious to read your dis tatse for Tantra over passive smoking, surely sexual olympics are not fatal!
RobinaD, I do not understand: why would anyone our age welcome a smoker into their lives? With a brain, which you clearly have.

Hi RD,
I too wish I had known way back then what I know now :)

I don't have any problems with men flirting simultaneously - it's the lying about it (and that they forget who they are talking to) that irritates me.

If they bothered to read your email again first before writing back - they WOULD remember and THAT would be respectful :)
All that advice is true - if only I had heard it when younger!
However I think most men on RSVP flirt simultaneously - the temptation is there - but then I guess then they are not into anybody except themselves if they do that.
I now practice the advice and I think it results in less anxiety and worry about wondering if one is good enough -
Obviously if one has to wonder why there is no contact anymore then it is not to be.
From what I've read Miami

Yeah he's into you if he's doing all that stuff on a regular basis

Being "into" someone doesn't necessarily equal verbally committing to them

As they say, actions speak louder than words

If he's not ready for commitment, he's not ready. Nothing more nothing less

Nothing wrong wgtgwwmt getting out there and dating other guys - you'll soon find out whether he's into you or not lol ;-)
Signs he is into you...

He can't keep his beautiful eyes off you.

He isn't afraid to share his past, open up to you, show you his soul, admit vulnerability and accept you without judgement.

Courageously naked with each other; literally and metaphorically.
Contact and communication is easy, open, honest, frequent and timely.

He freely tells you where he has been, and what's on the radar in the next couple of days.

He readily invites you into his orbit, and the urge to merge is overwhelming.
Can you get him to be more into you? Maybe.. but decide if you really want to play the game because that is what it will be. If the answer is 'yes', narrow the goal posts & get yourself into game position. You may win, you may lose. When he is into you, you won't need to play those games.
Here l go having to be brutally honest again..
If you need to ask the question 'is he into me', the answer is no, at least not in the way you are wanting him to be. If he was that into you, you would know.
Hi Miami,

One way to find out and or move this relationship from the current stuck position!

Do you have the courage to do yourself a favor? I did!

If you love something set it free if it comes back it is yours... I guess you know where I am leading to...

Good luck which ever road you take, neither is easy...
Miam, I am in a different generation from yourself and probably least qualified to answer, but I agree with the others and would hazard a guess what you describe is a "friends with benefits" hook up.

When the real deal comes along, it is easy and natural to commit exclusively and want to share your joy with each other's family and friends.

You're young, gorgeous and have a choices; status quo, escalate or exit.

Good luck.
Hi Miami,

Welcome, you have a common dilemma !

I guess my suggestion would be - not to ponder what HE may or may not have on his mind ....but to get very clear what's in YOURS !
And what YOU want. Are you happy with your current level of involvement ?
You told him you 'may' have feelings for him - I'd quess you do ?
Also, people don't not meet each other's friends because you catch up at night after work ... but because it's preferable at some level for one or both of you.

Two years of on and off dating and being 'more than bed buddies', seems to be quite a bit of time to get to know whether you're compatible, and whether you have common goals.
It does sound as though you both have a FWB situation happening. Possibly it suits him better than it does you ?

If you know what you want, and can communicate that with strength and honesty, you have a chance of achieving your dreams. Communication seems to be what's needed, IMO.

I do wish you all the best, fellow Perthite - we circulate in a smaller pool than those over east !
Hi Miami,
I agree with Jacca on this one.
He 'has feelings' for you but keeps you conveniently on the outer of his life.
You mostly only see each other in the evenings after work?
Can you ever just call him up and suggest you go out for the day on a Sunday or does he always "have too much on"?
Buying you flowers, etc is just his way of keeping you 'hooked'.

Even if he's not married - you are definitely not a high priority in his life, now or in the future, he'd WANT you to meet his friends if you were.

I think you already know the answer deep down because you are here with a visible profile :)
Value yourself girl :)
Stop listening to his excuses and being his 'booty call' and look for a man who really wants you to be a major part his life.
A man who has nothing to hide - doesn't hide anything. He is transparent and caring and honest.
Good men really aren't all that complicated :)
Hmm, Miami. Sorry to be blunt, but are you sure he's not married? Have you been to his house? Is he free weekends, or more last minute?("Spontaneous")

If he is single, you are more attached than he is, and it sounds like you're ready to settle down, preferably with him. Unless he's really young, say under 30, he should either commit or let you go. As things are, he is wasting your time.


Think about this- you're young and lovely, and have plenty of options.

So I have been seeing a guy on and off for 2 years, we met on a dating site about 6 years ago and have been friends since! Over the last two years we have reconnected not official dating, more than bed buddies, eg: he txts me everyday to say good morning, he brings me soup when I'm sick, even though he lives 40 mins away, he will bring movies over that he knows i will like, he sent me a dozen red long stem roses to my work coz he was thinking about me. We joke laugh! You think we were in a relationship but he has said he isn't ready for a commitment, neither of us have ever met either ones friends, mainly because of when we get to see each other it's at night after work! I told him i may have feelings for him he said he cannot express how special I am to him, Is he into me or not?
LLTD~~~I work out daily and also do weights, so I am EXTREMEly flexible!!!

And just so we remain on topic here~ I never ever concern myself if a man is 'into me'~~~I am far too occupied trying to decide if I am 'into him'.

Hey Seafish,

And when I say "friends" I mean REAL friends; those people that, for all your faults and foibles, choose to call you their friend. They are not afraid to call you out when you stuff up; nor take umbrage when you call them out...friends regardless..people you trust with your life, and they reciprocate that trust.
Seafish, it's a bit hard to offer any assistance to your profile when we can't access it :)

Although I see Justa has a peek.....there is another blog on profile writing tips, Bettina Arnt is offering to write it up for you, for a fee.
I would suggest you have a look at the Top 100 femmes within your age group, read their profiles, study the pics for insights of how you can present your self best.

Pavlova @
"Actually I work on the 3 strikes, and they are well and truly out.
But perhaps absolute zero tolerance may be the best way to travel."

My mistake :)
I agree on the three strike's rule in principle esp., with longer term mates. However, I've found that online some people are just so inflexible and the smallest issue gets them packing.

Oh well, wouldn't want to be friends with inflexible people like that anyway!
Hi Seafish,

You are an attractive woman, so I would suggest that maybe your profile is all about what you want, but not about what you can give...are you too harsh in your judgment of guys (standards at a level that guys feel they cannot meet)?

Why dont you run a few idea past some friends (male and female), and see what they have to say, or even why they are your friends (what qualities they see in you?
Seafish~~~It is when we stop looking that we find. And that is anything that we might be searching for-have you noticed.

Write out a list of the qualities you would want in a partner~ and develop those qualities within yourself.

Don't settle for any less than 80% of those requirements, and that is pretty good innings without being too stringent..

They not only have to be into you ~ it has to sway the other way as well, ie you being into them~ It is a two way street isn't it.

Be a magnet~

This of course is only my opinion~others here may be able to offer more helpful advice.

All the best,


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