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Who should do the asking out?


Posted by John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert on

This is a question that comes up quite often from singles, particularly those that have been out of the dating game for a while and now have to up-skill in flirting etiquette. From the newly divorced, to the young and inexperienced, to the shy 50 somethings - there's a curiosity as to "Who does the asking out?" Should it be the men or the women?

In the annual RSVP Date of the Nation Report 2012 that surveyed over 3300 Australians the answer was clear. In terms of the typical dating habits of singles there was an overwhelming trend:

68% of men are comfortable making the first move
46% of women are comfortable making the first move

And interestingly there were only 6% of men who said they don't ask women out, while there were 28% of women who said they don't ask men out.

So the figures suggest that a traditional attitude still remains in the dating world whereby men are expected to do the asking out more often than women.

But does this mean that you have to follow this trend when out trying to meet new dates at a party or online? Well if your approach is working for you then I would suggest that you should carry on doing this. Follow the principal - If it's not broke then don't fix it.

However if it's not getting you in front of someone special and you're missing out on dates with people you are interested in, then I would break the tradition and shake things up.

Specifically, that means if you're a single woman and you see someone you like, then step up and make an impact. Take the lead and ask them out. On the other hand, if you're a guy who tends to do all the chasing then it might be time to step back and let things develop more naturally.

What you must always consider in this process is how you're dating. What are you doing that works and what's not getting you results? What do you need to change to get you closer to connecting with someone special? In this case, think about how you ask potential love interests out. Does this need to be adjusted? If so, then make a decision to do things differently and evaluate the results.

You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. It's totally in your hands and you can decide who takes the lead on asking someone out.

There's no hard and fast rules - simply do what works best for you and feels right.

John Aiken, RSVP dating and relationship expert, and seen weekly on Ch 7's the Morning Show (

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