Does dating feel harder than ever these days?
Dating can feel exhausting, especially if you’ve taken a break from the scene or are looking for something meaningful later in life. You might be swiping, matching, messaging and still wondering why it feels so hard.
Here’s the good news: it’s not you. Modern dating has changed, and the challenges you’re facing are real and entirely understandable.
RSVP has been helping singles find meaningful relationships since 1997, and over the decades we’ve seen dating trends come and go. We understand the challenges you face and why dating feels harder today than ever.
“We see incredible people on RSVP every day. Dating hasn’t become harder because people are worse, it’s harder because the environment has changed.” — Lucia, CEO, RSVP
So what has changed and why does it feel so hard?
- The Paradox of Choice
Psychologist Barry Schwartz calls it the paradox of choice: when faced with too many options, we often feel less satisfied and more anxious. Today’s dating apps offer an overwhelming volume of potential matches, which can leave even the most confident dater feeling uncertain.
“The fact that some choice is good doesn’t necessarily mean that more choice is better.” — Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice
Our Tip: Focus on quality, not quantity. Set clear intentions for what matters most to you.
- Swipe Fatigue & App Overload
Endless swiping can create what researchers call a “momentum trap” — where your focus shifts from meaningful connection to simply increasing your rate of interaction. It’s the “spray and pray” approach: messaging lots of people at once, hoping something sticks.
Many daters now use multiple apps simultaneously. Pew Research (2023) found that about 9% of U.S. adults who have ever used online dating have tried three or more apps or sites in their lifetime. Managing multiple conversations and profiles can quickly become overwhelming. (Pew Research, 2023)
This combination of endless options and app overload can make dating feel harder in 2026:
- Choice overload: More options can make commitment feel intimidating and leave you second-guessing decisions.
- Emotional fatigue: Constant messaging across platforms can lead to frustration and disengagement.
- Shallow interactions: When quantity matters more than quality, deeper conversations and real connection take a back seat.
- Rising expectations: With so many potential matches, it’s easy to focus on perfection rather than compatibility.
- Distraction from intentional dating: Juggling multiple apps can prevent reflection on past experiences and what you truly want in a partner.
Our Tip: Take breaks, focus on profiles that resonate, and lean into conversation-first approaches rather than endless scrolling.
- Emotional Risk & Life Experience
In 2026, we’re all becoming more aware — “doing the work,” as they say.
In decades past, fewer people got divorced, and there was far less access to relationship or mental health support. Today, many of us are learning how our past influences our present, attending retreats, reading, and reflecting to understand why previous relationships didn’t work. This is upping the expectations of ourselves and others.
Understanding attachment styles — secure, anxious, or avoidant — is one powerful tool in this self-discovery. Research from the book Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller shows that about 50% of adults are securely attached, with 20% anxious and 25% avoidant.
“Depending on the kind of care we receive early on, we develop a blueprint for love that affects our behaviour and shapes our expectations in our adult relationships.” — Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
Attachment theory doesn’t just tell you what you feel — it helps you understand why. In 2026, daters with a deeper awareness of attachment styles may find themselves re‑evaluating matches more critically than in decades past.
Instead of simply enjoying chemistry, they wonder about emotional security, long‑term compatibility, and relational safety — which are essential for lasting partnership but can make early dating feel slower or more intense.
Coming back to dating after divorce or long-term relationships carries an unspoken expectation: that we’ve done the inner work, and we seek partners who have too. But bringing all that life experience — along with past hurts and protective instincts — can make dating harder.
Trusting again, taking emotional risks, and navigating relationships with intention isn’t the same as starting fresh or naive.
In 2026, older daters are intentional and self-aware, which is a strength — but it also makes dating more challenging.
Our Tip: Date at a pace that feels emotionally safe for you, and choose people who respect that pace. Trust builds when there’s no pressure to rush or perform.
- The Science of Connection
Long-term success isn’t just about chemistry. Decades of research by the Gottman Institute, including observations from thousands of couples, show that the quality of everyday connection and emotional responsiveness predicts relationship longevity far more than initial attraction.
Rather than grand gestures or instant sparks, lasting relationships are built on small, consistent patterns of positive interaction and support that create deep trust.
One striking finding from Gottman’s research is how partners respond to each other’s “bids for connection” — small moments when one person reaches out emotionally (like sharing a concern or asking for some interaction). Couples who stayed together turned toward these bids about 86–87% of the time, whereas couples who later separated responded positively far less often.
“Building a positive atmosphere of appreciation, respect, and affection — both in everyday interaction and during conflict — is essential to long-term connection.” — Gottman Institute research
In earlier decades, many relationships grew slowly through shared community, family networks, or regular in-person interaction, giving partners time to build friendship and deep understanding before making commitments.
In 2026, digital dating often accelerates introductions without that natural foundation, making it harder to discern true emotional alignment.
With swifter initial impressions and an emphasis on quick matches, modern dating can short-circuit the very elements that research shows matter most: sustained positive interaction, shared meaning, and emotional responsiveness.
That’s why focusing on quality of connection over quantity of matches can make the difference between a fleeting spark and a lasting relationship.
Our Tip: Focus on small, consistent moments of connection and responsiveness rather than chasing instant chemistry
Feeling challenged doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re navigating a complex, modern dating world that many others experience too.
“At RSVP, we’re not chasing sparks. We’re helping people build something real.” — Lucia, CEO, RSVP
Dating feels hard sometimes—but it can also be rewarding, intentional, and even joyful. At RSVP, we’re here to make that process easier, safer, and more human.
With over 25 years of experience helping singles navigate the dating world, RSVP knows what works and what challenges modern daters face. We’ve seen trends come and go, and we’re here to help you date with confidence, clarity, and intention.
Ready to take a more intentional approach? Refresh your profile today and let your best self be seen.
