- Last online:
- 24 Jul '17
Headline“Ladies, prepare to lower your expectations”
Some men tick all the boxes. Some men tick very few boxes. Some men tick no boxes. I fit snugly between those last two categories.
Have you become so disillusioned by men that you're willing to settle for very little? That's where I come in.
So what makes me so unappealing? Excellent question. Well, I'm boring, self-absorbed and anti-social, although not necessarily in that order.
In the interests of full disclosure, I must also mention that I'm not the moisturised metrosexual you've always fantasised about bringing home to mama.
Nevertheless, I do have some redeeming features. I'm a safe driver. I have excellent punctuation. I rarely get arrested.
Here are a few more fun facts:
¿ I hate Christmas
¿ I don't believe in birthdays
¿ I dislike most foods
¿ Gay men always think I'm gay
¿ Israelis always think I'm Israeli
¿ I have a phobia about giving birth
¿ I know somebody who knows somebody called Lucky Pierre
¿ Shane Warne once asked me if I wanted his autograph (I declined)
¿ I'm writing a novel whose plot neither me nor my co-author understand
-Why should I date you?
You shouldn't. Please see above.
-In that case, can you set me up with Lucky Pierre?
You're not his type.
-Do you like naive, vulnerable women?
They're my favourite.
-Why do I find myself strangely attracted to you?
Please refer to your previous question.
-You sound like an idiot.
That's a statement, not a question.
Here are the things I hold closest to my bosom:
I bid you farewell. For your sake, I hope we never meet.
P.S. As my profile says, I don't date girls older than 117. So will all you great-great-great-grandmothers please stop texting me?
At a glance
|Age||38 years old||18 - 117 years old|
|Location||Sydney - Lower North Shore, NSW||Within 50km|
|Relationship status||Single||Single, Widowed, Separated, Divorced|
|Smoking habits||Don't smoke|
|Ethnicity/background||White / Caucasian|
|Sign of the Zodiac||Taurus Check compatibility »|
|Personality||Private||Social, Very Private, Private, Average|
|Hair colour||Dark Brown|
|children & pets|
|Have children||No, have no children|
|Wants children||Don't want any (more) of my own but yours are fine||Is fine if I have children, Is happy to talk about it, Is undecided, Doesn't want children|
|Have pets||No, like pets but do not have any|
|career & education|
|Industry||Advertising / PR / Media|
|Political persuasion||Swinging voter|
|Drinking habits||Occasionally / socially|
|Diet||No special diet|
What I'm looking for
I'm very open-minded about looks, appearance, background, profession, hobbies, etc (yes, I'm very open-minded about etc). I like girls who are friendly, intelligent, independent and willing to turn a blind eye to tax fraud. Want to know how to win my heart? Offer to pay for all our dates.
- I want to have Neil Finn's babies. Do you?
- Almost everything I read is non-fiction. In a happy coincidence, much of my profile is non-fiction.
- Movies & TV
- As I become older and grumpier, I increasingly find myself turning from mainstream fare towards less commercial offerings. I often watch ABC and SBS (although I don't drink chardonnay or eat quiche). My favourite movie is Brokeback Mountain (see aforementioned comment about gay men).
- Yes, please.
- Other Interests
- Correcting people's spelling. Being smug.