Just Started Dating? Here’s How to Handle Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day can feel exciting and a little awkward when you’ve only just started seeing someone. How much should you do? What should you say? Is a gift expected? The good news is that, early on, simple and sincere almost always beats grand.

Whether you met on RSVP a few weeks ago or you’re still getting to know each other over messages, here’s how to handle 14 February without overthinking it.

A brief history of Valentine’s Day

The story behind Valentine’s Day is murkier than the cards suggest. The early Church honoured more than one martyr named Valentine, including a priest in Rome and a bishop of Terni, both said to have died in the third century. Very little is reliably known about either of them. The popular tale of a priest secretly marrying couples against the wishes of Emperor Claudius II is a later legend rather than documented history, and the often-repeated link to the Roman festival of Lupercalia is also disputed by historians.

The romantic connection seems to have come much later. Geoffrey Chaucer’s 14th-century poem Parlement of Foules, which pictures birds choosing their mates on “Seynt Valentynes day”, is generally cited as the earliest known link between the day and romantic love. Love notes and verses followed, and by the 19th century printed cards had made Valentine’s Day the commercial occasion we know today.

These days it’s as much about appreciating the people you care about, including friends and yourself, as it is about romance. It can still be meaningful if you approach it thoughtfully and on your own terms.

Should you celebrate if you’ve just started dating?

It really depends on the two of you and how comfortable you feel.

• Take it slow. If things are very new, there’s no need for a grand gesture. A thoughtful message, a coffee or a casual catch-up is perfectly appropriate.
• Check in with each other. A quick, light conversation (“Are you a Valentine’s person, or not really?”) takes the guesswork out and avoids one of you going all out while the other does nothing.
• Celebrate in your own way. Valentine’s Day isn’t only about romance. Catch up with friends, call family or do something you enjoy. That’s a perfectly good Valentine’s Day too.

What to say to someone you’ve just started dating

A short message is often all that’s needed. Here are a few ideas that feel warm without being too much:

• Keep it light: “Happy Valentine’s Day. I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you.”
• Show appreciation: “Thinking of you today, and looking forward to seeing you again soon.”
• Playful but sincere: “Happy Valentine’s. I hope your day is as good as our chats have been.”

Steer clear of big declarations or talk about the future at this stage. Keep it genuine and in step with where you are.

Low-pressure Valentine’s date ideas

Restaurants are busy and set menus can make a newer connection feel like a test. A relaxed plan usually works better, and it gives you more chance to actually talk.

• A coffee or brunch date. Daytime, easy to keep short or let run longer, and no pressure either way.
• A walk with a view. A coastal path, botanic garden or riverside stroll, finishing with an ice cream or a drink.
• A local market or gallery. Having something to look at takes the focus off making conversation.
• A cooking or pottery class. A shared activity gives you something to laugh about, which helps the nerves.
• An outdoor film or picnic. Many cities run outdoor cinema seasons over summer, so check what’s on locally closer to the date.
• Pick a different night. Meeting on the 13th or 15th is often quieter, cheaper and less loaded.

If you’re looking for venues, our city guides have plenty of ideas for every budget: Brisbane date night ideas, Sydney date night ideas and Melbourne date night ideas. For more relaxed options, see dating ideas that feel easy, safe and actually help you connect.

If it’s your first time meeting in person, the usual first-date habits still apply on Valentine’s Day: meet somewhere public, organise your own transport, let a friend know where you’ll be and keep chatting on RSVP until you feel comfortable sharing your number. Our safety tips cover the rest.

Gift ideas for early dating

You don’t need to spend much. At this stage, a gift is simply a way of saying “I’ve been listening”, so think about what they’ve mentioned they enjoy rather than what Valentine’s Day says you should buy.

Small and thoughtful ($)

• A handwritten card or note
• A treat you know they’ll enjoy, like good chocolate, a favourite snack or local honey
• A small potted plant or a few flowers from the market
• A secondhand book by an author they’ve mentioned

Something to share ($ to $$)

• Two coffees and a walk somewhere you both like
• A picnic you’ve put together yourself
• Tickets to a gig, play, exhibition or sporting event for a future date
• A class you can do together, such as cooking, pottery or dancing

Personal touches ($)

• A playlist of songs that came up in your conversations
• A book, film or podcast recommendation linked to something you talked about
• A little something connected to their hobby, like seeds for a keen gardener or a new route map for a walker

Tip: Avoid anything expensive or intimate this early. It can make the other person feel they owe you something, and the best early gifts are small, light and personal.

Preparing your RSVP profile for Valentine’s Day

If you’re still looking for someone to share Valentine’s Day with, the lead-up is a good nudge to give your profile a refresh. A few changes make a real difference:

• Update your photos. Use recent, clear photos where your face is easy to see. One that shows a hobby or something you love doing gives people an easy conversation starter.
• Refresh your bio. Say what you enjoy and what you’re looking for, in a positive and honest way. Specific beats general: “Sunday walks along the Bay and a long breakfast after” tells people more than “I like the outdoors”.
• Show your personality. Mention a few things people could ask you about. It makes starting a conversation easier for both of you.
• Reach out. If a profile catches your eye, send a friendly, personal message rather than a one-liner, and reply thoughtfully when someone gets in touch.

Keep your conversations on RSVP while you get to know someone, and be wary of anyone who quickly asks to move to another app, avoids meeting or video calling, or mentions money. Our guide to avoiding romance scams explains the warning signs.

Final thoughts

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be daunting, even when things are brand new. Keep it light, genuine and in step with where the two of you are. A kind message or a relaxed coffee can mean more than any grand gesture.

Love can arrive at any stage of life, and Valentine’s Day is simply one more chance to say hello. If you’d like some good reading for the season, try our list of 12 relationship books to help you date and build lasting love.

Ready to meet someone who’s also looking for something real? Create your free RSVP profile and see who’s out there.